People Change

I was looking at my ex-high school friends photos and I was thinking to myself how I will never fit into the party.  I felt sad (no, not sad, I'm not sure what I'm feeling) but there's this tight knot feeling in my stomach that I cannot actually express what the feeling is.  Am I making any sense here?

You know it is the kind of feeling you get when you remember how close you were with these people, how you laughed, fought, cried, shared your secrets and how so much in common you had with these people, how you used to have so much to talk about and suddenly now you feel that there is a distance in your relationship with them, how these people once you called your good friends are now in a different league than you are.

Now that I am more matured than I used to be, I feel that when some people say they have never changed doesn't really mean good news to me,  because I cringe now when I see my thirty year old friends talk or dress like they are still eighteen, how they still talk about fashion and still get excited about men, how the still go partying at night whereas I mull over mundane things like what to cook for dinner, how to be a good mother/wife or how to raise obedient children. Maybe I have changed so much and I am now no longer a fun person to hang out with.

Just a couple months back, I had the opportunity to bump into another of one my closest high school friends through facebook and how ecstatic I was when we decided to meet over a cuppa.  Here I was jumping to the idea of finally meeting my good old friend but the meeting felt so strange as it turned out that we didn't have nothing much to talk about. We had some awkward moments as we did not have an expanded conversation, the silence was uncomfortable that I just couldn't wait to finish off my coffee and bid my farewell.  I am not sure what has happened to us, but she sounded bitter, she has all the not-so-nice thing to say about other people, the country, the law, the kids school, the husband basically about everything and the injustice that is happening around the world and that just killed my mood. In other words, I cannot utter a single thing without her having some negative remarks to make, in less than half an hour she somehow has managed to change the happy-go-lucky me into a pessimistic, unhappy and ungrateful being.  From that moment onwards, we no longer chat in facebook and I try my best not to cross her path.  It is funny come to think of it how I used to enjoy her company, a person I used to run to when I have anything to share.

Whatever it  is those mentioned above are just a few of them as I am still blessed with wonderful friends around me.  I am ME when I am with them and I like the ME in me when I am in their company.  Darn!  Pardon me, if I still don't make any sense here as this is the ME that I am referring about.  Get me?

Ahak ahak.  Have a good day.