Monday, December 15, 2008

Women and Worries

A very good friend of mine showed me a newspaper clipping sometime ago that says "Research has shown that on average women spend 48 minutes a day worrying" and my first reaction was "HAH! Really! Can't be!" And after thinking it through for quite sometime, I couldn't agree more I believe I too spend 48 minutes a day worrying about stuffs.

For example, my role as a mother, I worry that I do not do much as a mother. The time the children spend on watching tv and playing games should have been spent wisely with some fun educational activities. I worry the kids do not take much nutritious food, they do not like to eat veggies they often prefer to eat chicken, beef and egg. My second child does not enjoy eating fruits like the sisters and to be honest i sometimes feed them junk food too example maggi (kids favourite) only allowed once a fortnight, ice-cream, twisties, pringles, oreo, chipsmore, nuggets, sausages. I know! I know! I'm such a bad mom.

Not only that, although they are young, i am already worried about their future. I worry that they will be involved in bad things, are easily influenced and mixing around with the wrong company(this kind of thought usually happens after i read the newspaper), marry the wrong guy and etc etc. As we try to make them to have such a happy childhood I worry that someday they will be unhappy in their lives. What I worry most is that they will forget me, regard me as burden and no longer needed me in their lives. (Please God don't let all these happen to me).

My role as a wife, again, I worry that I have not been doing much for my husband either. I seldom cook, my husband who comes from the east coast has different taste buds than we do so he doesn't really enjoy eating our dishes, he irons his own clothes, he packs his own stuff when travelling, he doesn't trust me to drive his car. What I worry most is to lose his love to another woman (hopefully not!) and to lose him to Allah.

My role as a daughter, I worry that I have not been spending much quality time with my mom, I don't provide her enough care and money, I sometimes hurt her feelings with my words and actions and I worry that one day I will regret for not doing the things that I should be doing when I have time and opportunity.

As an individual, I worry that I having been eating too much, exercise too little (close to none actually), I shout too much to the kids, I'm not setting good examples, I don't try to improve myself, I often worry of not having enough money (money again! boring! ), getting fat, getting old, getting sick and etc etc.

I'm not sure about other women out there but all of the above mentioned are my common worries and on top of that i worry about the maids too for not doing a good job, for pulling a long face, for not speaking the truth, i worry that i have not been a good teacher, for not doing more than expected, for not marking their books on time, for not moulding them into good individuals, for not making a difference in their lives and the list just goes on and on.

Hmm... Hey I actually spend more than 48 minutes worrying a day. Am I normal?

Sunday, December 14, 2008

A Holiday is not a holiday without a maid

Recently, we went for a holiday in JB. Since hubby had work to do there and we haven't gone anywhere this school holiday, I decided to seize the opportunity to bring along the whole brood to join him as the timing was perfect. Hubby has to go on Thursday my SPM invigilation ends on Wednesday so what a better way to plan for a holiday.

As this is the school holiday, we only had to settle for a one room family suite. Since it was a one room family suite, I decided not to bring the maid, I believe I could manage. How bad can it be as these 5 kids will be confined to a hotel room? My my was I wrong! My hectic day began with packing the things for the holiday itself. No doubt it was for a 4 day 3 night stay but packing for these young kids is a real chore as you have to think of everything. Day wear, night wear (just in case we decided to go out at night) pyjamas, swimming suits ( the most important items for any holiday, failure to bring these will result in experiencing 9.0 richter scale earthquake), undies, diapers, toothbrushes, toothpaste and not only that I had milk powder to pack for my no 3 Khairina who is 5 and Dhaniyah my no 4 who is 2 years old, baby Hilman (8 months) is fully breastfed so his is settled but I had to bring along his frozen porridges (he only eats homemade food as he is allergic to a lot of stuff), not forgetting hot water thermos and other munchies too.

So we ended up with one large trolley bag for the kids attire alone, (there is no such thing as overpacking with 4 kids and a baby) one basket for food, thermos and milk powder, stroller,the kids shoebag yours truly and hubby only shared a luggage..

We started our journey at around 9 am in hubby's MPV after a hearty breakfast. Everything went pretty well until an hour later when the million dollar question of 'Are we there yet?' kept popping out from their mouth  every 15 minutes. On top of that there were constant arguments going on at the back seats enough to drive the two of us nuts and... we had to stop twice as the kids needed to visit the loo (despite the fact that they had answered their nature calls before we left).

We arrived JB at around 1 and hubby thought we should first eat lunch before checking in into the hotel. We chose a mamak restaurant situated beside the hotel, by this time Hilman was already asleep so we had to bring down the stroller to put him in. Yours truly, hubby and Nabil chose nasi campur, Kakak Aina as usual maggi soup my two picky eaters Khairina and Dhaniyah had roti bakar (for lunch). While we were enjoying our food, it poured. While waiting for the rain to stop the kids entertained themselves with the game of their own. Making lots of noise as they were running and laughing, by this time Hilman was awake and the situation became chaotic as ibu and abah went 'enough', 'stop it', 'sit down' and gave them our killer glare. We got attention from other clients too, they were either amused, pity or just disgust.

The room that we got was quite spacious and nice. It had a kitchen, dining table, fridge and a microwave oven, there was a living room with a tv, the room had 2 double bed and a tv too. As the room had a view of the swimming pool, the kids kept questioning on when they could go for a swim. As hubby needed to go for work, I told the kids to watch the tv first while i feed Hilman. Before he left, Dhaniyah decided to pee in her pants and as I was busy with Hilman, hubby had no choice but to clean Dhaniyah up before leaving for work.

Then, here I was with 5 kids in the hotel room and after about an hour, the nice looking room had turned into a capsized ship as they were jumping up and down the two double beds like monkeys, later the children got fed up of playing in the room and watching tv and kept pestering to go to the pool, I told them to wait for abah to return and furthermore it was still raining. I called hubby and he said he is busy with work and it might finish at around 5. At around 4.30 the children got bored and made more noise to go to the pool, I called hubby and he said that it is unlikely to finish, while I was on the phone Dhaniyah decided to pee in her pants (again!). This drove me crazy so after cleaning the carpet and her up, I told the kids to change into their swimming suits as ibu is taking them swimming.

All of us dived into the pool even baby Hilman. We had so much fun as it was only us in the pool because it was still drizzling. We only spent half an hour in the pool. When we came back to our room, we couldn't get in as my cardkey could not be read. I had to call the front desk for help. There we were locked outside of our room cold, hungry and wet for about 10 minutes before the new set of card was given to us.

Once inside, I had to bathe Hilman, put on his PJ and nurse him. In between that Khairina and Dhaniyah took turns to do their businesses and I had to wash them. While I was nursing Hilman the kids jumped into the tub and had another swimming session there. I told them 15 minutes only but they couldn't care less as they knew I was tied down (more of lying down). After Hilman was asleep I made them get out of the tub and told them to put their PJs on. Dhaniyah then decided to play tag with me when I was about to put on her pyjamas. As ibu's patience was wearing thin she kena cubitlah, she then cried aloud and as not to awake Hilman up, ibu had no choice but to calm her down.

Later the two younger girls were asking for their milk while the elder two complaining that they were hungry. I told them to eat the biscuits that we brought. While I was mixing the milk for Khairina and Dhaniyah I thought to myself the first day is not over yet and I am already aching all over. I have 3 more days to go... am I able to survive all these for the next 3 more days? I barely survived. I almost suffered from a hay fever on the fourth day. I came back tired, with a backache. footache and headache. But the kids had fun and that's what matters. I'm happy when the kids are happy but i need another holiday, come to think of it a visit to a spa would be better. ahak ahak.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Choose To be Happy

Some people like to ponder on how wonderful their lives were in the past. As for me, I don't really look back to the past as I just happen to love how my life has turned out. Of course, they are countless ups and downs, regrets, dissatisfaction, and the questions of 'what if', 'what should', 'if only' drumming in my ear but I just don't bother to think much of it.

I guess that I don't really like to think about problems. Of course I have problems, everyone has problems but I rather brush the thought aside and look at more positive things that I have. Of course I do complain, throw my tantrums sometimes and consult other people but that just it. Once I'm done, I'm ok.

I was not like this during my younger days. Being the only girl in the family, I was showered with lots of love from my parents and siblings, I was kind of pampered and spoiled. Although my brothers bullied me I still had my way. They seldom said 'NO' to me. Although they tend to say some hurtful things to me  they will go to a certain extent to make sure I was always safe and protected. Hence, when I did not get the things that I wanted, I will make a lot of fuss, my father would eventually give up and succumb to my demand.

Then, I got married. I have always pictured myself married to a man who is madly in love with me. Who thinks I'm the most beautiful girl on earth and he is lucky and blessed to be married to me. He compliments me daily, buys me flowers and gifts, hugs and kisses are routines gestures in our married lives and he would say 'I love you' to me everyday without fail.

Didn't happen.

As I'm a woman of words and actions, my hubby is the complete opposite. Of course, he loves me and he's happy to be married to me but he is not a man who says or shows these things. In a layman term 'not romantic' (at all) and I need romance. In the first few months of our marriage I would be the one who gave him the spontaneous hugs and kisses and the one who said those 3 words without any apparent reason often. As these things became a one way thing and later we had kids, eventually it died a natural death. It no longer becomes the common practice in our lives.

I used to complain and expressed my dissatisfaction but the stone remains unturned. Since nothing worked, I became grumpy, angry and nagged a lot. I was not a happy person, my chest hurt,I had stiffed shoulders. I was a fault finder. Nothing made me happy. I believed I had a better life when I was single and under my parents' care. They brought me to places, I often ate in fancy restaurants, wore more branded goods, had more money and less things to worry. I envied married couple who were happy and was jealous with what they had.

And then something happened to a good friend of mine. Her husband 'main kayu tiga' and couldn't care less for the family. She became a divorcee at the age of 28 with 2 extra mouths to feed. I later counted my blessings and I soon find out I have a lot to be thankful for. My hubby loves me, he doesn't go out gallivanting with his friends at night, he's trustworthy, he listens to my problems, he loves the kids to bits and often tries to fulfil their wish (which sometimes makes me jealous), he's not cheap, sometimes he feels sorry for me for not providing enough, he doesn't believe in practising polygamy, (I'm so thankful for that!) he doesn't drink or gamble, he doesn't smoke, he's cautious, he takes care of the bills, he makes sure we go for a holiday every year and the list is just endless. There are many good sides of him that sometimes I tend to forget. Sadly, it took someone else's misfortune to make me realised how lucky and fortunate I am.

Not only that, I'm blessed with wonderful and adorable kids, I have a loving family, comfortable cars, nice home, good friends, good health, my hubby and children are well, nice working environment, so why the need of complain?

So from that moment onwards, I'm done complaining. I realised, my hubby was not brought up the way I did. I made myself unhappy, it was nobody's fault but my own. So since that I choose to lead a happy life !!!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Never enough

What i love about my life now is being a mom. It's such a wonderful feeling. Looking at my children's faces makes me thankful and grateful for each day that i have lived. Although money is never enough, am just grateful to be blessed with these 5 wonderful kids. As parent, we always want the best for our children. We work hard to cater more for their needs than our own. That's why it saddens us when the children just refuse to listen and try to get on our nerves.

If i were to have more money ( a lot more) than what we have now it will only be spent more on my kids and not forgetting to the less fortunate ones. I would sent them for mental arithmetics or kumon, art, music, swimming, ice-skating, football, martial arts, dancing lesson etc etc etc whichever that they show any interest in.

Sometimes, sad to say i believe my kids are deprived from developing their true potential, my second boy for example shows interest in football, we wanted to enrol him in a football class but we dare not commit. My third has been pestering to join her sister's in piano lesson but then again we don't have the capital nor the time and my fourth shows great interest in music be it singing and dancing. With our miniscule salary, five children and living KL money is just never enough.

However, we're pretty particular in our choices of kindergartens and schools. We do not mind paying a lot of money for that. So all the elder 3 kids have been attending Q-dees since they were 4. And the last 3 years we have been paying fees for 2 kids attending Q-Dees.

Hence as it is right now, when the kids ask for things our often reply will be 'not now, not yet, wait until i have the money' and you can see their long face and then they will be talking about their friends with handphones, i-Pod, PSP, PS2, they travel overseas and the list goes on and on. We do try to bring them to holidays every year around Malaysia at least twice a year for a 4 days and 3 nights stay and the look of joy on their faces holidaying is just priceless.

I just wish we have more money so that we can at least do and go whatever or wherever we want without thinking twice or thrice and sometimes more and mind you we're not that spendthrift type. I hate talking about money because it's just never enough! Sigh!

P/S- Oh please do not talk to me about joining MLM, am just not interested. The time spends for seeing clients and attending classes are just not my cup of tea, i rather spend it with my kids. Remember i love being a mom and furthermore i do not have the flair for business.