Choose To be Happy

Some people like to ponder on how wonderful their lives were in the past. As for me, I don't really look back to the past as I just happen to love how my life has turned out. Of course, they are countless ups and downs, regrets, dissatisfaction, and the questions of 'what if', 'what should', 'if only' drumming in my ear but I just don't bother to think much of it.

I guess that I don't really like to think about problems. Of course I have problems, everyone has problems but I rather brush the thought aside and look at more positive things that I have. Of course I do complain, throw my tantrums sometimes and consult other people but that just it. Once I'm done, I'm ok.

I was not like this during my younger days. Being the only girl in the family, I was showered with lots of love from my parents and siblings, I was kind of pampered and spoiled. Although my brothers bullied me I still had my way. They seldom said 'NO' to me. Although they tend to say some hurtful things to me  they will go to a certain extent to make sure I was always safe and protected. Hence, when I did not get the things that I wanted, I will make a lot of fuss, my father would eventually give up and succumb to my demand.

Then, I got married. I have always pictured myself married to a man who is madly in love with me. Who thinks I'm the most beautiful girl on earth and he is lucky and blessed to be married to me. He compliments me daily, buys me flowers and gifts, hugs and kisses are routines gestures in our married lives and he would say 'I love you' to me everyday without fail.

Didn't happen.

As I'm a woman of words and actions, my hubby is the complete opposite. Of course, he loves me and he's happy to be married to me but he is not a man who says or shows these things. In a layman term 'not romantic' (at all) and I need romance. In the first few months of our marriage I would be the one who gave him the spontaneous hugs and kisses and the one who said those 3 words without any apparent reason often. As these things became a one way thing and later we had kids, eventually it died a natural death. It no longer becomes the common practice in our lives.

I used to complain and expressed my dissatisfaction but the stone remains unturned. Since nothing worked, I became grumpy, angry and nagged a lot. I was not a happy person, my chest hurt,I had stiffed shoulders. I was a fault finder. Nothing made me happy. I believed I had a better life when I was single and under my parents' care. They brought me to places, I often ate in fancy restaurants, wore more branded goods, had more money and less things to worry. I envied married couple who were happy and was jealous with what they had.

And then something happened to a good friend of mine. Her husband 'main kayu tiga' and couldn't care less for the family. She became a divorcee at the age of 28 with 2 extra mouths to feed. I later counted my blessings and I soon find out I have a lot to be thankful for. My hubby loves me, he doesn't go out gallivanting with his friends at night, he's trustworthy, he listens to my problems, he loves the kids to bits and often tries to fulfil their wish (which sometimes makes me jealous), he's not cheap, sometimes he feels sorry for me for not providing enough, he doesn't believe in practising polygamy, (I'm so thankful for that!) he doesn't drink or gamble, he doesn't smoke, he's cautious, he takes care of the bills, he makes sure we go for a holiday every year and the list is just endless. There are many good sides of him that sometimes I tend to forget. Sadly, it took someone else's misfortune to make me realised how lucky and fortunate I am.

Not only that, I'm blessed with wonderful and adorable kids, I have a loving family, comfortable cars, nice home, good friends, good health, my hubby and children are well, nice working environment, so why the need of complain?

So from that moment onwards, I'm done complaining. I realised, my hubby was not brought up the way I did. I made myself unhappy, it was nobody's fault but my own. So since that I choose to lead a happy life !!!