Oh Khairina my dear!

Khairina my second daughter and my 3rd child is as gentle as a lamb.  She's so gentle that she's easily bullied by people around her.  Out of the 3 attending primary school, she's the one struggling with school work and the environment.  She does not project any demeanor of being confident, she is very timid, introvert and afraid to ask question.

She had been lagging in her school work and more often than not her exercise books have comments of 'incomplete work', 'work not sent on time', 'kerja tak siap' and 'tak lengkap' and thus she often gets the shelling from me and I often blame her for being unfocused and dreamy in class and she denied all the accusations made.  This happened last year and this year she has promised that things will change and that she will change for the better.

However on the first day of school she sat at the back row of the classroom because she had wondered around the school and  forgotten to book a seat.  I was so pissed that her being unfocused and dreamy resurface.   Three weeks after, when the kids were given homework, I got even madder when I saw that her books were still not up to date, her work was messy and there's incomplete work remark in her books.  I told her to borrow a book from a friend, she said nobody wanted to lend her their book and I went 'don't you have any friend?'  Nabil heard this and went 'she's always alone Ibu, she eats alone in the canteen and she walks around the school after that all by herself.'

 I then began to realize that she's never invited to any birthday parties, It wasn't an issue then because she's always following Kakak Aina (the miss popular) to parties so I didn't think much of it, but invitation from her friends, she has none.  She's a real loner, she does not make any effort to make friends and whenever I ask her 'don't you have friends?' her answer is always yes but no one is her good friend as she finds waiting for them to go to the canteen and finishing eating then only walking together, as cumbersome. She's happy when she's with her siblings you can see her being bubbly and active, running around and coming out with new ideas.  That's why I was caught of guard when Nabil told me she's a loner.

Ok back to the issue, I told her since nobody wants to lend you their book, next time can you please please please pay more attention in class, stop being dreamy because this is class work I cannot help you because I don't know what the teacher has written on the board, and she went 'Ibu I always pay attention in class, I copy slowly because I cannot see what is written on the board.' You mean to say, you can't see? Gosh! I could feel my blood draining.  All this while you were not able to finish your work on time because you cant see?  Husband did the test and true enough she failed the 4m range test. Nooo..... Oh Nina you have to wear spectacles? I'm not ready for this darling, you are to young to wear glasses.

We took her to the opticians the next day and turned out her eyesights were pretty bad her left eye the reading was 100 and her right eye 225.  After that incident, I could not help but to feel bad for accusing her of being dreamy and unfocused. While waiting for the spectacles to be ready we talked to her teacher to let her sit in front.  It has been two weeks now and so far she's doing fine with her school work.

However tonight something sad happened.  At around 9 pm I went all around looking for Khairina, she was not with Dhaniyah, not in the maid's room, neither was she in my mom's.  I was calling out her name when I suddenly  I heard a soft cry of 'I am here Ibu'.  I was so shocked she was in her room, the door was ajar but I didn't bother to check it then because the light and fan were switched off.  I went in, switch on the fan and the light and there she was lying on the bed with tears streaming down her cheeks.

I sat on the bed and asked her what went wrong, and she went 'I'm just sad' and I asked her 'why?'. And she went 'nothing' I tried to probe but she kept on saying 'nothing' when I finally said 'when you are sad, I am sad too, I love you too much that I don't want you to be sad.'  That got her more teary eyed and she went 'not many people love me Ibu,  I don't have friends, the teachers don't really pay much attention to me and even my brothers and sisters don't love me that much,'.  Oh Khairina, I was shocked to hear her say that and I became sad too 'Khairina no matter what, Ibu and Abah love you unconditionally, your siblings love you too, it is just that they have a weird way of showing it,  so it does not matter if you don't have that many friends, what's important is that you love yourself and always work hard to improve yourself, never let other people put you down and please please remember that Ibu loves you soooooo much and only want the best for you.'
She got better and went to sleep.  Looking at her sleeping, breathing evenly, looking calm and angelic made me even sadder.

Sigh!  I am not sure whether I have handled it well but I feel bad.  Bad for her to feel this way, for her not having friends and for her to have such low self-esteem.  I don't really know how to tackle this because I am a person who depends on her friends, I will be lost without them,  I need friends and I have been blessed with wonderful friends around me.  So having to handle this situation is actually out of my league! Help!

P/S - After the incident, she hugged me crying again and she said 'I did try Ibu, I tried to make friends but I don't think my friends like me that much, I'm just not important'.   'Oh baby you are really special and important to me, if they don't like you they are not worthy as your friends, they are other people out there who will be worthy of your friendship, it's just that the time has not come yet.'

Gosh! She's only 7+ and already facing this kind of problem, I really pity you Khairina and I hope things will be better for you, stop trying so hard, because you end up hurting yourself, I have faith that things will get better, I always believe that good things happen to those who wait, be patient my dear!
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